It’s about this time every year when teams are out of contention, but fantasy owner’s minds are still on fantasy baseball, that our advice inbox at MLB Front Office gets flooded with keeper questions. While I’m fully confident that our staff here at MLB Front Office is capable of providing you with answers to all of your questions, we—like the rest of the United States—can hire much cheaper labor in other parts of the world. Therefore, following the precedent set by corporations much larger than our own, we have decided to outsource our keeper advice. However, unlike corporations who are foolish enough to actually pay their outsourced employees in Asia, we’ve found an even more economically friendly way to outsource. Without further ado, I present to you the Ten Commandments of Keeper Leagues straight from our newest (and most geographically challenged) employee: God.

As it was spoken:

I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the bottom of the standings, out of the ridicule of thy neighbor. You shall have no other Gods before me. You shall not read Mathew Berry for I am a jealous God, punishing those who listen to false gods. You shall listen to thy word and be rewarded for I am a merciful God, but do not make misuse of thy information for the Lord will not acquit those who misuse thy advice. For six months you shall labor and study my teachings and upon the sixth moon you shall be rewarded with a successful harvest of players. Listen to the Lord, for I will impart my ten commandments unto you:

10. Thou shalt not listen to the New York media whom covets thy own players more than any others.

9. Thou shall covet thy neighbor’s players and attempt to trade two players for one better player upon or prior to the completion of the season during the year 2008 AD.

8. Thou shall not covet your home team’s players more than those of thine enemy.

7. Thou shall understand thy neighbor’s intentions before choosing thine players.

6. Thou shall realistically understand if thy team has a chance of competing and if not thou
shall make a sacrificial lamb out of your star player and receive, in return, a young laborer with much upside.

5. Thou shalt not keep players whom possess much injury risk.

4. Thou shalt never, under any circumstances, keep a relief pitcher.

3. Thou shall show steadfast love to (and keep) mostly batters whom possess multiple tools.

2. Thou shalt not spend too much of thine budget (if applicable) on thou keepers.

1. Thou shalt not covet risky players at the risk of forfeiting thine best players to thou neighbor.

…And God said unto you, go and select your keepers, and so it was done and there was much rejoicing in the following harvest when those who had been faithful to God were rewarded.

Or, if all else fails, shoot us an email at advice@mlbfrontoffice.com and the staff who hasn’t been outsourced yet (Orris you’re next) will be happy to assist you in your fantasy baseball endeavors.